THE ABSOLUTELY
Written by
Paddi Whisperleaf
…brought
to light by Glen Sprigg
Day 24
Today was the last day of the
King's Festival, and naturally I was looking forward to at least enjoying one day
of fun and frolic among the people of Stallanford. But Edward spoiled that
before breakfast by reading that stupid note. After reading it he brought it to
Alyssa. She read it aloud to the rest of us; it mentioned an evil queen who was
determined to bring a harvest of death upon the land. I immediately announced
that I didn't care about any queens; I wanted to enjoy the festival. My opinion
was duly noted and ignored by Edward.
We visited the temple and
spoke to Alaric, who told us that Kavorquian was a wizard who lived a day's
ride north of Stallanford, near the Bloodstone mines. Naturally, Edward agreed
with the priest that we should take the note to Kavorquian at once. So much for
the festival.
We left town before
This Kavorquian didn’t live
all that far, but the weather slowed us down so that it was early evening by
the time we got to the bottom of the path that led to his home. I was very
ready for supper at this point. We walked up to the very impressive manor
house, surrounded by an iron gate that had lots of interesting designs on it,
which Alyssa identified as magical wards. So at least we hadn’t gotten lost.
Just as we got to the front
door, a manservant stepped outside and started lighting the lamps on the
lintel. He didn’t appear to be expecting visitors. Can’t imagine why not;
doesn’t everybody show up on doorsteps in the freezing snow? Edward gave him
the letter, and he informed us that Kavorquian would not be able to read the
letter, since he was currently dead.
At that, I was ready to shrug it
off and return to Stallanford, but the servant spoiled that by saying he’d get
someone to speak to us. Then he went back inside, leaving us standing out in
the snow! A minute or so later, the door opened again, and this time the butler
greeted us. Showing a great deal more sense than the lamp-lighter, he invited
us in to the warm hall, and escorted us to a lounge after we’d brushed and
stamped the snow off.
He gave us some wine, which
was the least he could do after we’d been stuck outside in the rotten weather.
Then he asked our names, and went to fetch the manor’s new lord. A few minutes
later, I was enjoying my second glass of wine when another door opened, and a
young man stepped in. Ordinarily I would have said he had a handsome face, but
I was more interested in his arm. I was interested in it because it was the
only one he had. The butler introduced him as Lord Kaerin Penhaligon, adopted
son of the wizard Kavorquian.
He was tall, dark and
handsome; I could tell Alyssa liked him. For myself, I prefer my men short,
bearded, and having a full set of limbs. But maybe I’m just being picky. He
thought we were old friends of Kavorquian, but Alyssa straightened him out on
that score and told him about the letter. Kaerin read the letter, and didn’t
like what he read at all. So he told us he’d discuss it with a cleric friend of
his who was coming to visit, and asked us to stay for dinner. Needless to say,
it was the least he could do. So I didn’t say it.
We told him about the problems
at the King’s Festival in Stallanford, and regaled him with the tale of our
adventure in the orc caverns. His eyebrowd perked up when we told him about the
evil cleric and the undead that had been roaming about down there. I was hoping
that he’d tell us the dramatic tale of how Kavorquian had died fighting off a
dragon or something, but apparently he had simply died in his sleep. How
boring.
After the meal (and some
excellent brandy), Kaerin asked us if we’d be interested in doing him a favor.
Having just moved in, he wasn’t totally familiar with the house, although he
liked it quite a bit. Except for the basement, which was where the wizard
Kavorquian had done his magical stuff. Alyssa was very interested in poking
around down there, but I know better than to mess around with a mage’s
laboratory. Some things you just don’t do.
Then he told us he wanted two
things from that basement: a tiara and a sword. Any other treasure we found
down there, we could keep. I started looking for the door immediately, but
Since Kaerin was currently
arm-less, he couldn’t go down and get the things himself. So instead, he wanted
us to get them for him. In addition to the treasure, he’d pay us each two
hundred and fifty gold. The catch? We had to be back in two days time.
It was a tough decision to
make; risk our lives in a mage’s basement, with no guarantee that there
actually would be any treasure, or leave and find our fortunes elsewhere. I
waited an instant too long to speak up, because Edward pledged our service.
That boy really needs to start thinking before opening his mouth.
The butler escorted us to a
nice suite of rooms for the night; whoever Kavorquian may have been, he was
certainly rich. I could get comfortable in a place like this. But I’m not
looking forward to what’s going to happen tomorrow.
Day 25
After a reasonably tasty
breakfast, Kaerin met us at the steps to the basement and wished us luck. He
also reminded us that there was a time limit. So down we went, into the bowels
of a wizard’s home. I should have listened to my mother. She told me,
"Never fool around with wizards’ homes. Sensible gnomes stay away from
those places."
A quiet chamber awaited us at
the bottom of those dark, nasty, dusty stairs. The place looked like no one had
been here in a long, long time. We proceeded with some caution, but the time
limit kept us from taking all the precautions we should have. Maybe then we
wouldn’t have had to go through what we did.
We walked along a dusty,
cobwebbed hallway, and suddenly this voice appears out of nowhere, asking us
for a password. It would have been nice to have been given that small piece of
information, but it was too late now. Edward started to say something, but
apparently we’d waited too long, and there was a loud rumbling behind us.
Before we could turn to look
and see what was happening, a pit opened up beneath Edward. He dropped about
ten feet and landed hard, twisting his ankle. Warren and Caelisar pulled him
up. Then things really started to happen. A bell tolled in the distance (always
an ominous sound), and suddenly a man appeared from a doorway ahead of us.
At first I thought I had
solved the problem of Kaerin’s missing arm, since this man had a really, really
long arm. He stretched it out and attacked us. Before we could react, a little
golden ball floated through the wall behind me, with a sharp, pointy end
sticking out toward me.
Fortunately for us, they were
more frightening to look at than to fight. Branden got stung by the pointy
ball, but that was all the other side could do to us. Edward dispatched the
long-armed man, then smashed the ball to bits with Everbright. He really likes
that sword.
We explored a few rooms until
we came to the dining room. There was a portrait of Kavorquian there. An
imposing, wizard-type, certainly. Not at all like the new lord of the manor.
But Kaerin’s alive, which gives him a bonus. In the kitchen, we found the cooks
were still working, even though they were dead. They didn’t seem to appreciate
our presence, and attacked us. But we took care of them quickly enough, and
continued on our way.
We found a staircase leading
down to a locked door. It didn’t take me long to divine its secrets, and it
popped open. It lead to a garbage dump, which wasn’t pleasant. Particularly the
rats that attacked us. Rude little critters. They didn’t last too long against
us, though.
At the top of the stairs, we
found another locked door, this one with a subtle warning about the terribly
dangerous guardian beyond it. Naturally, we went in. The lock was almost as
stubborn as the last one, but I didn’t have much trouble opening this one,
either. Inside were weapon racks, filled with nasty-looking weapons, almost as
nasty as the guardian beast itself. It looked like one of those stone gargoyles
that sit on church rooftops, except this one was much uglier and nastier,
especially since it was attacking us.
Looking around the room, we
found several swords, including the one that obviously belonged to his
lordship. It was huge, a two-handed sword even for
Edward suggested that we
return to the house to give the sword to Kaerin, which sounded good. We could
use a bit of a rest anyway after the fighting we’d done. So back we went. There
was one problem: stone walls had slid across the hallway to the stairs. We were
stuck down here, unless we could find another way out. Or unless we dug a way
to the surface. That might make meeting the deadline difficult.
So we continued to explore the
place. We entered what used to be a bathhouse, but was now coated in greenish,
slimy stuff. As soon as I mentioned how disgusting the slime looked, Alyssa
grabbed me by the collar and yanked me out of the room just as a blob of slime
fell from the ceiling, right where I had been standing.
I thanked Alyssa for pulling
me back, even if she was rather rude about it. Getting that slime on me would
have been disgusting, and a pain to get out. Then Alyssa told me that if it had
landed on me, it would have eaten through my clothes and turned my flesh into
slime, which would have killed me. Now that sounded like a really disgusting
way to die. Shuddering, I walked away from that door very quickly.
The room across the hall was
much nicer, being a bedroom. Much better. No slimy ceilings to give an honest
gnome nightmares. We found a very nice tapestry of elves frolicking in the
woods, which would be a suitable addition to our collection, and part of the
reward from Kaerin. Caelisar informed us that elves never frolicked that way;
obviously the artist had taken liberties. But it still looked pretty, and more
importantly, valuable. So was the small ring with the aquamarine inset that I
found in the bed. But the others don’t need to know about that.
Before we could open the next
door, two of those gold balls with needles came out of the walls at us. It’s
really unnerving to see solid objects float through walls. But they weren’t
that dangerous to us, and we dealt with them in a hurry. Too bad they shattered
into dust when we destroyed them; they might have been valuable.
Behind the door they had been
guarding was a study. Desks and benches, books and shelves adorned the place.
Alyssa went straight for the desk, but I stopped her. She knew about slime, but
I’m the expert on locked drawers. But first, I checked the drawer for any nasty
surprises, and there it was. A needle-gas trap of some sort, and I wasn’t eager
to find out what it would do. So I disarmed it, then fought with the lock for
five minutes before it finally gave in to my superior lock-picking abilities.
Considering how well it was protected, I was eager to find out what was inside.
I wasn’t disappointed, as there was a small sack of coins waiting for us. Not a
king’s ransom, but certainly enough to compensate my efforts.
The bottom drawer of the desk
was locked, but I didn’t have any trouble with it. So I was surprised when we
found the gemstones and the two potion bottles. Someone wasn’t thinking too clearly
when he planted this stuff. Not that I’m complaining, of course. But, really,
if you’re going to hide the valuable stuff in a separate drawer from the coins,
you should at least have the intelligence to put the trap on the valuable
drawer. Sometimes mages just don’t think clearly. Not that I’d say that to
Alyssa.
The rest of the study was of
interest only to Alyssa, with lots and lots of books on various subjects. But
there was no tiara, not yet. Unfortunately, we’d already looked everywhere. So
now we had to look everywhere again. The question was, where to look.
Caelisar was the one who
suggested looking in the rat-infested garbage dump. What a disgusting place to
put a secret chamber. But she was right, and I looked it over carefully before
we tried opening it. This one had a gas-bag just like the desk drawer had, and
I got rid of it easily. Then I tried to unlock it. Twice. Unfortunately, it
appeared that Kavorquian had finally found a lock that even I couldn’t pick. So
Caelisar bashed it down instead. Sometimes the direct approach is the best.
So we entered a narrow
corridor in an unfinished part of the mansion. It wasn’t long before we found
out we weren’t alone. Two pretty women were poking around in a corridor. When
they noticed us, they got weapons ready, and acted as if they owned the place.
However, since Kaerin had specifically stated there shouldn’t be anyone else
here, Edward asserted his paladin-like authority and started questioning them.
The blonde claimed she was Kavorquian’s niece, which was a pretty obvious lie.
But they wouldn’t say anything else.
So Edward, like the honest
paladin he is, told them what we were doing here. When they realized that
Kaerin himself had sent us, the blonde got rather nervous. Then she suggested
we work together to explore the dungeon. Edward wasn’t too impressed, but I
suggested that they would indeed be helpful. Besides, with them among us, we
could keep an eye on them. Certainly, I’d know what to look for; as I’ve said
before, it takes a thief to know a thief, and these two were obviously thieves.
The corridor was a dead end,
but Sarrah, the blonde showed us the secret door they had entered through. So
on we went, seeking out the missing tiara. I was keeping one eye on Serrah, the
other on her friend, who had been introduced to us as Erren. So I didn’t notice
when we entered the room with the four zombie guards. They were almost on top
of me when Edward and Branden shouted a warning. They were silent and deadly,
and they smelled like a charnel house, but they were no match for us. Serrah
was a goot shot with her crossbow, although crossbows don’t do much good
against people who are already dead. Warren and Edward demonstrated how to
dismember the zombies, and were very effective. Gruesomely so, in fact.
Our explorations took us to a
laboratory, where we encountered a nasty crystal statue that attacked us as
soon as we entered. Fortunately, itwasn’t all that difficult to beat.
Unfortunately, there’s not much of a market for broken crystal. So much for
that treasure. Still, there were lots of goodies to be found in this place, and
Alyssa was drooling. So were Erren and Serrah, but Edward and Warren kept a
very close eye on them. I’m sure they were just making sure they weren’t
planning on stealing anything. Men!
While Alyssa looked around,
the rest of us decided to call it a day’s work, and we set up a crude camp in
the laboratory. Time enough to explore the rest tomorrow; right now I need
sleep. The only problem is, how do I watch the two thieves and sleep at the
same time?
Day 26
Well, another day goes by, and
once again we were up to our necks in crazy dangers. But as usual, we survived,
thanks largely to my indispensible efforts. I’m sure the others would dispute
that claim. I’ve noticed that humans tend to take us gnomes too lightly.
After a somewhat restful
night, during which the men took turns staring at the two newcomers instead of
watching for dangers, we headed out of the laboratory and continued to explore.
There’s no telling how much more of this place we’ll have to get through before
we find our way out, but I’m sure it won’t be easy regardless. Wizards never
make things easy for gnomes. You’d think they didn’t trust us or something.
We entered a room that stank
of death and rotting flesh, but at least this time it wasn’t zombies. There
were some dead creatures lying around. A carrion crawler, a giant lizard…they
weren’t doing anything except quietly rotting in the remains of their cages.
But one creature was still alive, and it was the most revolting thing
imaginable. It had a strange set of feelers all over its rust-colored body.
Alyssa shouted that it was a rust monster, and that it could destroy any metal
it touched in an instant! Where does she get this sort of knowledge? Mages read
too much, I think. Never any time for more practical things.
Well, Caelisar and Warren
pulled out their bows, and Sarrah used a crossbow on that thing. The bolts and
arrows weren’t too effective, since the metal heads melted away when they hit
the creature. But Edward stood strong with Everbright as the thing charged, and
with a powerful swing he cut the thing’s body really badly. Alyssa thought that
the sword would be destroyed, but Edward never hesitated, and the sword seemed
unaffected.
We soon came to a doorway, and
I didn’t need my sharp gnomish ears to hear the sounds of battle from the other
side. It couldn’t have been Kaerin, since there was more than one voice, and
none of them sounded like him. The sounds of fighting stopped suddenly, and
there was a crash of metal. I whispered to Edward what I had heard, and he
motioned
One was a mean-looking dwarf
with an axe to rival
The dwarf and the warrior were
muttering about some sort of iron golem, when the dwarf caught sight of
Caelisar. With a roar of ‘Stinking elf!" he charged at her, his eyes
blazing with berserk rage. I took an experimental sniff, but as far as I could
tell, Caelisar had indeed bathed recently, although she wasn’t a spring flower
by this time. But she certainly was a rose compared to the smelly dwarf that
was running at her.
Caelisar fired an arrow at
him, but it deflected off his shield. I ducked aside, hoping to sneak around to
the rear of the battle, but that nasty mage magicked me with something that
hurt, a lot! The next thing I knew, I was on the floor, my head spinning. I
heard the sounds of battle around me, then I heard Alyssa chanting in the language
of magic. Soon enough, the sounds of battle stopped. Alyssa had put three of
them to sleep, and Erren had chased down the mage and finished him off before
he could magick anyone else. Not much of a climactic battle, but I won’t
complain. At least I wasn’t dead, which to me is an important part of any
battle.
We collected their weapons and
armor and other assorted goodies; whoever they were, they didn’t appear to be
here by Kaerin’s request. So we brought them along for Kaerin to deal with as
well. The next mage that casts a spell with his hands tied and mouth gagged
will be the first, as far as I know. The others were roped together and gagged
to keep them out of trouble.
Alyssa took the mage’s scroll
without even checking with Edward. Shocking impropriety for the mage, but
that’s typical of the breed. The scroll apparently had some magical spells to
open doors with. This proved useful, as the door in the far corner was
magically sealed. Alyssa used the spells to punch through the seals, and in we
went. I was hoping to find the way out, but it turned out to be even better;
there was treasure to be found!
Now, I’m not one to turn my
back on heaping sacks of gold and platinum coins; that’s just not the gnomish
thing to do. But no gnome in history will condemn me for it at that moment,
because my eyes locked on Lord Penhaligon’s tiara. This was the most exquisite
piece of jewelry I ever laid eyes on. The harpy queen’s tiara was a piece of
tin compared to this masterpiece. And the worst thing about it was that I knew
there was no way at all I was going to be able to steal- I mean, keep it safe.
Unfortunately for me, Edward
also saw the tiara, and plucked it from my outstretched hands. How rude!
Especially for a paladin! But there was nothing else for me to do but watch him
wrap that beautiful thing and put it in his pack for safekeeping. Now how will
I get it?
But there was more. I opened
the second chest and found some books. One of them was particularly
interesting, as it discussed this ‘bandit queen’ who we had mentioned to
Kaerin. Apparently she is the illegitimate child of Arturus Penhaligon, the
former lord of the area and Kaerin’s uncle by adoption. If that’s true, she
could very well make a claim to be the rightful ruler of the region, which
would pose some interesting problems for Kaerin.
With the tiara and sword in
hand, we left the treasure room with a sigh of relief. After a bit of
searching, we found a trap door in the ceiling that led to a secret entrance to
the butler’s pantry in the mansion above. And there, waiting for us, was Lord
Penhaligon himself, accompanied by several warriors and an older man he
identified as Baron Sherlane. Now there’s a name I recognized! Fortunately, he
didn’t recognize me, and I wasn’t about to reacquaint us. Some things are just
better left alone.
Being the observant gnome I
am, I noticed something quite different about Lord Penhaligon. He had a new
arm! Or at least, his old one had regrown, or been re-attached, or something of
the sort. Regardless, he now had a full set of limbs, which I’m sure pleased
Alyssa greatly.
But almost as interesting as
the restored arm was the blood on the floor, and the coffin being carried out
by two soldiers. Apparently the bandits we had fought and brought back upstairs
were responsible for the deaths of three of Kaerin’s servants, and the butler
was missing. The soldiers took the bandits into custody, and at Kaerin’s
request, took Erren and Serrah with them as well. Too bad for them! I wasn’t
too sorry to see them go; I never trusted them. But Warren and Branden seemed a
bit disappointed. I can’t imagine why. Maybe Branden wanted to save their souls
at the expense of his own.
We handed over the tiara and
sword, and Baron Sherlane took an interest in the journal we had found discussing
the bandit queen. He also took a bit of an interest in me, but Lord Kaerin
distracted him enough for me to avoid any further attentions. You’d think I
still had his wife’s necklace around my neck. Afterwards, we were led to a
bedroom suite and given fine rooms to spend the night. All in all, quite an
interesting day!
Day 27
After a hearty breakfast (not
to mention a warm bath), we met with Lord Penhaligon and Baron Sherlane in the
study. Penhaligon seemed pleased about something, although he became quite
serious when we entered the room.
Baron Sherlane did most of the
talking, explaining how Kaerin was Kavorquian’s adopted son, and how Lady
Arteris Penhaligon, daughter of Arturus, was the local ruler. This much I knew,
but I thought it best to keep my knowledge of local affairs to myself. No need
to give the baron any ideas that I’m from the area. To keep Sherlane’s
ramblings short, the ‘bandit queen’ is Ilyana, the illegitimate daughter of
Arturus. Apparently, she’s raising a force of orcs and goblins to attack
Penhaligon itself, and assert her own claim to the ancestral seat.
To make things more
interesting, we wouldn’t be safe in this place for long, since the bandits we
fought had friends, including an agent in Penhaligon’s house (the butler). So,
by Baron Sherlane’s logic, the safest place for us to go would be to Ilyana’s
castle and fight her whole army, since they’d never expect it. I’m now sure
that he recognized me; why else would he suggest a suicide mission? I was about
ready to head for the hills, but then Sherlane said that stopping Ilyana before
she could make good on her threats to take over the land would make the Duke
very happy, and keep the lands peaceful. I groaned at that one, and I mouthed
Edward’s words along with him: "We’ll be happy to provide this service for
the Duke. Show us the way, my Lord." Sometimes that boy really disappoints
me.
I could tell
So it’s back to Stallanford
for supplies, then off to the keep to fight abandit queen and her hordes of humanoids.
Six against an army…that should be interesting.